The History of MartachUn: The Cat Farm
by wenniethecool
Summary: An original work and concise history of Martach-Un, the Cat farm with a fully-functioning infastructure and government.


Hello, there, guys. I heard you guys really liked cats. Well, for the past 21 years I've lived on a farm that took in wounded and stray cats. We live on 34 acres, which I prefer to call "The Homeland" (the real name of which I will reveal later). It started in 1989 with the settling of this land and the arrival of the first cats, "Annie, who passed away in 2006, and "Trooper" who met a tragic end in 1995. Within these 34 acres are two groups of buildings…One group, which I jokingly dubbed "The Settlement", which is referred to as the place where the "Rural" or "Country Cats" reside. It has some of the oldest buildings, (as the Palace has been rebuilt anew), and was the first for the cats to inhabit; besides the house or "Palace", which each one has always had cats. It consists of our Barn or "Communal Housing Center", which serves as the original and traditional living space for the Rural Cats. It houses the "Mayor". (the eldest cat who has done a good service and is respected by his fellows – there is yet to be a true and official usurper after the death of the previous mayor "Pistol" during the "War of 2007" due to old age. Because of the thinned population of The Settlement, a pro tempore appointed and sent by the government has filled the position – it should also be noted that the mayor is also in charge of the town militia) The Communal Housing Center also houses members of the "Town Militia" which is supposed to be the first line of defense when The Settlement is attacked by foreign forces, though, the numbers of those in the ranks have dwindled significantly. Other buildings which make up the town include the granary, where the food is stored and the "Assimilation Center/Hospital", a camper where new arrivals to the Homeland are kept in quarantine until they are neutered or spayed and receive all of their inoculations. Sick cats are treated there as well. (Sick cats and new arrivals are never kept together to prevent infection. In the instance where there is a sick cat/s as well as a new arrival/s, the sick cat is moved to another location of the choosing of my mother, who is head of many of the programs and one of the founders of The Homeland). The administrator of this building is a brave cat named "Hazel", who, despite coming under attack and her being torn to pieces and almost being killed by Raccoons, refuses to leave. There are also many "roads" or trails connecting The Settlement and "The Capitol". Once, long ago, before I grew into my position as Commander-In-Chief of the military, there were 35 cats who lived and worked here. Over the years, due to many circumstances, the population has dwindled to 20. Due to the constant state of war and deteriorating living conditions within the Housing Center, many cats fled to find a better life in the Capitol. Due to this influx, we had increasingly tough times in the past keeping the living conditions in the Capitol stabilized. Moving on, the Capitol is well-furnished, and is comprised of a courtyard, a large patio, streetlights, the Palace, an attached garage, which serves as another living space (for the "City Cats", who migrated there from The Settlement four years ago, as well as the "Main force" which I will cover later) complete with fabricated beds for the cats to rest, an older garage which serves as a motor pool, an old outbuilding, formerly belonging to a murderous dog that is no longer amongst the living, which serves as "The Low-income Housing" of the Capitol, as well as an occasional hideout for cats who've been rather naughty (attacking and sometimes mortally wounding other cats) and are evading capture and neutering. Another building was to be built, but funding ran low, and another, cheaper, prefabricated one was bought in its place. This building serves as living quarters and office space for a very special cat, who has shown remarkable bravery and a very unique personality. All the cats in The Homeland have their own interesting personalities, and most of them you could say were sentient…But this cat stands out – his name: "Blue", A.K.A., "Little". He's been through a lot over the past ten years. No one knows who his parents were, but he was given to us by a mentally retarded kid, after he was flung out of a car window in 2001. He quickly grew, and displayed the ability to "Talk", by forming his vocal cords to make almost human noises. He also served as an escort and point man, alongside "Binky" to outsiders and high-ranking individuals when travelling the roads between the Capitol and the Settlement. In the summer of 2007 came the biggest test yet, my father grew ill, and to make matters worse, something unprecedented though not fully unexpected happened…our borders were breached and the Settlement was invaded by one of the largest Raccoon forces to date. 27 Raccoons seemed to appear almost overnight and seized the Settlement, and the outlaying countryside, wreaking havoc, attacking the cats, clawing through the doors and seizing the granary, eating the food stuffs therein and contaminating what wasn't consumed with an enormous amount of their excrement and literally destroying the Housing Center. The Town Militia, under the command of Pistol was powerless to stop the invasion. The Raccoons advanced to the capitol and started causing considerable damage to many of the buildings it was up to the Main Force alone to dispatch this menace. For four months straight it was nonstop fighting, night after night. We managed to push the Raccoons back by killing them any way we could. One night was particularly rough, as a group of Raccoons started attacking what was to be the new Living Quarters in the Capitol. I had to resort to blunt weapons to take them out as I ran out of ammunition (and shooting indoors is risky business). Many Raccoons were captured and deported as well. After the battle, we learned that the Raccoons were using the newly-annexed Communal Housing Center as a staging and breeding ground and we launched a counter-offensive, pushing them back and liberating the townscats. We then learned that their new and final base of operations was in the woods. I wanted to make them pay for what they had done, so I called upon foreign allies with their superior firepower and staged a final assault. We decided to attack by day, as that is when the Raccoons slept, and they were out in the open, sleeping in trees and easily spotted. They were too weak to resist the onslaught and fell by August (if you saw the damage a 7.62X39 hollow-point round did, you would flee, too.) It was then that we decided to try and rebuild. We cleaned the Housing Center, and repaired the doors of the Granary. And, to our luck, a newcomer, "Lacey", A.K.A. "Dirt-Mom", had given birth to four kittens, who I named the "Dirt-Kittens", their proper titles being "Soldier", "Tinker", A.K.A., "Dirt-Mitten", "Salir" and "Boo". These kittens I had hoped would be the future of our military. Only one, Salir, was able to prove her mettle, alongside Little in the challenges to come. Because, you see, the war never really ended. Within just months of perceivably defeating the Raccoons, small pockets of resistance started flaring up. Little, a favorite cat of mine since I was very young, had decided he had enough and turned into, not only a true companion, but a worthy soldier as well and was promoted to General after showing valor in a number of skirmishes, which is something, hitherto, I hadn't really seen before. Furthermore, just last summer, we saw some of the same problems we had faced in 2007. The Raccoons started to get bold, and attempted to mobilize once more, and attack in greater numbers; numbers almost, but not quite equal to the ones seen in 2007. In July of 2010, for the first time in a long time, an organized squad attacked. Their target: the Assimilation Center, basically they destroyed the interior and badly injured Hazel, who I mentioned above. We nursed her back to health and started, once again to mobilize and fight back. The Raccoons, though vicious, are predictable; their next target was the Granary. During the onslaught, one was killed, but the others escaped. Extra security measures were taken to keep them out and small trenches were dug outside the Capitol for defense. Soon, A small squad of Raccoons attempted to infiltrate but was attacked and driven back by Little and Salir. Though I was disappointed in the rest of the Dirt-Kittens, Salir had become the soldier I had hoped the rest would be, and I quickly recruited her into the military as a member of the Main Force. Since then, things have cooled down considerably, but I'm preparing my forces for the upcoming months – if history has taught me anything, the cold weather has slowed them down, and they are waiting for the warmer months to strike again. They have caused so much suffering, they have directly and even indirectly caused the deaths of many of our cats, they have destroyed the infrastructure of the Settlement, and they must pay for what they have done. Until they are defeated, however, conditions will worsen in the Communal Housing Center, as they have been making raids on it as of late. The Militia has been dwindled down to the point of almost nothing, but the main force has been, once again, pulling the tow, remaining vigilant in trying to save the Homeland from these foreign invaders. The base of operations of the Raccoons is unknown this time, and we have reason to believe that a small number may be hiding within the very walls of the Housing Center, evidenced by a human-being-sized pile of excrement in the loft. We've been moving the hay, but it's proving to be a daunting task, and we've had no luck in finding the source of the invaders. Many Raccoons have been killed off just this year, but still more come to take their place. The cold weather and wet, swampy terrain of the homeland is making it very difficult to mount an assault or do any further recon. Only the toughest and cunning of the citizenry remain in the Settlement, and the Town Militia is non-existent. Raccoons are not "Cute", they are not "Kawai". They are the niggers of the animal world. No…Worse. Wherever they frequent, a trail of grime appears, they eat their fallen comrades, and they have a sickly odor about them, reminiscent of tuna, morning-mouth, urine and fecal matter. They show cowardice on the field. A mother will leave her babies to die as she flees a disturbed nest; they use each other as footing while escaping danger and the older members flee before the young ones do. They destroy, defecate upon and eat anything, especially if it is expensive. They also frequently contaminate the cats' water supply and kill them. I hate the fuckers. When the war first started, I was disturbed by killing them, but after a long time on the field, one gets hardened. The bad dreams stop. And a part of you starts to enjoy it because…With every Raccoon I kill, I come closer to liberating my Homeland and saving my beloved cats! Several daring attacks have been made on the palace as of late, and "Soldier" of Dirt Kitten fame was injured and property was destroyed. These attacks have prompted us to mobilize and begin a major counter-offensive. Fortunately the Raccoons have evacuated the CHC in the Settlement, due to valiant pushes from the town militia, led by the gov't appointed mayor, and palace guard, Binky. Entrances to the CHC have been sealed, and strictly monitored, by the newly revitalized Town Militia. However, they Raccoons are preparing for phase two of their offensive. I will keep you updated as events take place, as well as provide some interesting facts! And lastly…CAT FARM WILL NOT FALL!

Thank you.

-Nelson, Commander-In-Chief of the MHDF

**GOVERNMENT**

The gov't is primarily a socialist monarchy, (much akin to the Scandinavian countries), and with the true power resting in the hands of the humans and the military established by them. The citizenry is treated very well. The nation is led by the King and Queen, my mother and father, and the military is led by the commander in chief of the MHDF, me.

**MILITARY STRENGTH**

The MHDF (Martach-Un Homeland Defense Force) is comprised of the two branches described above: The Main Force and the Town Militia. The Main Force is generally better equipped, and even includes a military transport vehicle with interchangeable functions and load-outs. The Palace can also be quickly converted into a fortress. The humans in the main force generally use the standard issue, .22 caliber semi-automatic rifles and .22 caliber semi-automatic pistols as a sidearm. Occasionally .22 caliber revolvers are used with interchangeable cylinders which allow the user to switch between .22LR and .22 Magnum rounds. In cases of urgency, and when the .22LR and Magnum cartridges are ineffectual or impractical, Humans are equipped with either an AK-47M, or a Winchester 30-30, and in some cases an M56/66 Yugoslavian SKS. Bolt action .410s are sometimes employed for dirty jobs. Aside from firearms, melee weapons such as machetes, knives and heavy pipes are used. Other military equipment includes smoke grenades and pipe bombs, and if the mission calls for it, napalm. All guns and melee weapons are imported, as are the materials used to make the explosives. The Homeland lacks the facilities needed to produce such. The cat soldiers in both the Main Force and the Town Militia attack with claws and teeth. There are three fighters in the town Militia, not including Binky, and four combatants in the Main Force. Also, of note is that the humans sometimes use horses as mounts in parade – harkening back to novel times, and, rarely for certain missions. However, there is no true, established Cavalry.

**CONSTITUENTS/CENSUS**

There are presently 25 Cats who reside in the Homeland, with ages ranging from just a few months to 16 human years – with the majority resting in the middle. They are generally mixed breeds, with the exception of "Ping", who is Siamese. "Rex", who was already considered to be "an older cat", even in 1996, is still alive and kicking. He holds the record as being the oldest cat living within the borders. His arrival dates back to the era of the second generation, from which there are only two other cats left. There is a slight problem with illegal immigration, which has been put on back-burner since the beginning of the war. As well as being a home to cats, the Homeland also keeps livestock, such as horses and donkeys, and in the past, even goats. These creatures are merely for export or as mounts for human cavalry, and sometimes used to transport goods when road conditions render motor vehicles useless. They do not, however, share the same intelligence as the cats. Also, one dog resides in the Palace, named "Beamer", who serves as a shepherd and guard and has proven himself a worthy member of society, and almost as intelligent as the cats.

**EMPLOYMENT**

Mousing and getting rid of other such pests is one of the main jobs, aside from military service, that the citizenry performs. Since the migration, however, mice populations have grown enormously in the granary, as there are not enough mousers left in the settlement.

**EXPORTS/REVENUE**

The Homeland produces several types of food in the Agricultural Center in the Settlement, which is slightly elevated to keep it from being flooded. These foods include beets, broccoli, celery, tomatoes, eggplant, various types of hot peppers, and soon, mustard. Pumpkins are the main cash crop, and are grown for export. Several foods grow wild here, too. Foods such as: apples, pears, grapes, mushrooms, strawberries, raspberries, and wild carrots. At one point, cannabis was even produced for export, as well as Corn. Cats do not understand the concept of taxes or currency in general, so revenue is solely gained from exporting of goods, and the King providing services to other countries.

**GEOGRAPHY**

The homeland itself is mostly below sea level and is very marshy. Every year, after the thaw, the lands surrounding the settlement flood and make it extremely difficult for military movement and the shipment of goods and commerce from the Capitol to the Settlement. Most of the Homeland is covered in forest and marshland (In the fall and spring). The climate is temperate, with usually long, harsh winters. However, the summers are usually hot, and somewhat dry, parching the marshes.

**LANGUAGE**

The cats have their own language, which is almost impossible for humans to pronounce properly with their vocal cords. Special words are created by the English-speaking humans, using alphanumeric Latin characters that attempt to mimic the sounds made by the cats. The word "Martach-Un", which is the proper name for the Homeland, is based off of "Nmarrch-ung", which literally translates to "place of origin". Also, on another interesting note, cats do not have a concept of "Safe" In their language; there are no real words to describe "Safe". The closest is "nmurl-gaan-gurreaw", which literally means, "Not too dangerous anymore". Cats in the two branches of the military are required to at least have rudimentary knowledge of the English language in order to understand commands. Most soldiers exceed (even in the Town Militia) the required aptitude for English, however they cannot speak it. Cats also frequently use their tails to communicate.

**RELIGION**

Cats do not practice any religion, save for their own code of "ethics". The humans are agnostic.

**FOOD**

The humans have developed several dishes and sauces unique to the Homeland. One of the dishes, "Ungtaka", which gets its name from the cat word, "Ungrchraw", literally meaning "meat", is a type of sour beef which is tenderized with liquor and marinated in Worcestershire sauce and grilled with chopped onion leeks. All meat is imported from other countries. The cats may sometimes eat human food, but are wont to catch mice, insects and frogs. Their main diet however consists of government-supplied cat food which is imported. The food comes in two varieties; wet and dry. The wet food is accessible to all citizenry; however it is usually reserved for special occasions. The cats sometimes show humans respect and gratitude by bringing them their kills. The greatest hunter to date is Lacey, Mother of the Dirt Kittens.

**ARTS/ENTERTAINMENT**

The Homeland is not without creative influences. The Capitol is home to a recording studio, a small record label and two bands, playing original music. Dirt Mitten is the director of the arts in the Homeland, and is a talented vocalist, as cats cannot have mastery over human instruments, (save for the possibility of rudimentary piano) but have decent understanding of our music and can become accomplished vocalists. The humans produce art on many different mediums and sometimes export it or use it for propaganda. The cats cannot produce art, however, as they have no opposable thumbs.

**DISEASE**

There was an epidemic of Feline Leukemia from 1998-2000 in which many cats were lost. The problem was taken care of when imported vaccines were delivered, and the uninfected were immunized. It is now a requirement for all immigrants to be properly vaccinated before entry.

**CRIME**

Aside from the ongoing, incessant war, there is also an abundance of violent crimes in both the Capitol and the Settlement. There have been several cats in the past, and even now, at large, who have assaulted and stolen from other, law-abiding cats. These criminals are usually pursued by both the military as well as the citizenry (As there is no officially-appointed chief, nor an official police force/town watch – done to save resources), and if detained, they are either sent into the behavior-modification, re-integration (BMRI) program or deported. At this time, there is a cat, "Pudge", who is still at large. He has been aptly-dubbed, "Criminal Scum". He is here illegally, has several assault and attempted murder charges stacked against him, and is possibly carrying diseases which may have led to the deaths of two of our citizens. If "Criminal Scum" is captured, he could face neutering and could be sent into the BMRI Program, or prompt deportation. Also, of note, is that the Communal Housing Center has a holding cell for detaining for a brief time those who have gotten too rowdy, or have committed petty crimes, such as vandalism (spraying on, clawing public/gov't property). The Palace also has a holding cell in the subterranean level for occasions such as that. Severity of crimes and their corresponding punishments are subject to determination by military officials, such as me. Decisions can be overridden, however by the rulers of this nation. Laws pertaining to fighting are lax at best. Much of the fighting between citizens is overlooked unless "blood is drawn". Fighting within the military, however, is subject to swift punishment by detention in either holding cells. In the past, a dog named "Biscuit" lived, imprisoned in the Capitol, as she had a unique trend of killing cats. Several escapes were made, and cats were subsequently murdered by her whenever she was on the streets. She was finally executed by gunpoint in 2004. She goes down in history, known as the first, truly violent criminal.


End file.
